should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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