all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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