thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
