Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
