I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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