How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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