i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
