Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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