i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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