thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
