Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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