oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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