Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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