theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who died my cat blue again?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
