What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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