How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
