How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
