I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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