can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
