Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
