HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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