sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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