all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
