i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
