She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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