he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
