I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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