TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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