I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
