I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
