Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
