well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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