I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
