Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
