Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize