I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
