when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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