I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him