Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
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Someone came in the potted fern
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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