No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet