what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing