How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag