apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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