I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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