She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
