clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
