I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
