Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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