Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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