Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
