I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
