did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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