Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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