Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
