i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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