in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
