He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
