Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
sex in a hospital.. check
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
