Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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