There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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