I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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