I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
